Narrator: TTS PLAYHOUSE PRESENTS, THE ELECTRIC MAN, BY CHARLES HANNAN. SCENE.—WALTER’S ROOMS IN LONDON. MODERATELY FURNISHED SITTING-ROOM. ON TABLE, RIGHT, A NEWSPAPER AND TWO UNOPENED LETTERS. THE TABLE UP IN THE ALCOVE IS SET FOR LUNCHEON. WALTER’S BROWN BOWLER IS LYING ON CHAIR OR SOFA, LEFT. ENTER JACK AND MRS. ANDERSON, IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Mrs. Anderson: It’s as I thought, sir, the pore young gent isn’t up.
Narrator: JACK LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.
Jack: Was he late last night?
Mrs. Anderson: Oh, yes, sir, as I happens to know being woked up sudden, thinkering to hear a burgular, which was only Master Walter Everest, the gent I does for, a-creepering and a-crawlering upstairs.
Jack: Is he often like that?
Narrator: TAKES UP AND LOOKS AT LETTERS ON TABLE AND PUTS THEM DOWN AGAIN.
Jack: Been working hard lately?
Mrs. Anderson: I believes as he have something very musterious and secret inventering at this here identical period of time, some mustery as he keeps in that there cupboard which the door is always locked constant. Oh, very musterious—and queer smells a-penetratering and perfuncteroring the house. Oh, here he are, sir.
Narrator: WALTER’S DOOR, LEFT, OPENS. SHE EXITS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
WALTER STUMBLES IN, LEFT.
Walter: Hullo, hullo! whose head is this? It isn’t mine, it can’t be mine. Stop!
Narrator: SITS TOP OF RIGHT TABLE.
Walter: Stop!
Narrator: PICKS UP NEWSPAPER.
Walter: Morning paper, who wants morning paper?
Narrator: THROWS IT ON FLOOR BEHIND HIM, AND JACK, WHO IS WATCHING HIM, PICKS IT UP. WALTER OPENS LETTER.
Walter: Letters, who wants letters? Oh, one from my tailor. “We greatly regret delay in delivery of your new black coat. We will despatch it to reach your residence without fail to-day. May we remind you that your account——?” No, you may not remind me.
Narrator: JACK GIVES HIM A ROUSING SMACK ON THE BACK.
Walter: Hullo, Jack, where did you spring from?
Jack: Came to town this morning.
Narrator: CLASP HANDS
Walter: Jack, I’m very ill. I haven’t been out of doors till last night for weeks. Nothing but work at what my father left me. He gave his lifetime to it and then left it to me. It ought to have been the invention of the age. I went on the spree last night, when the whole thing failed.
Jack: I have some news for you about your stepmother, Mrs. Everest. By the idiotic conditions of your late father’s will—if the old lady marries again before your birthday on Monday next the whole fortune he left becomes not yours but hers.
Walter: He meant it the other way about.
Jack: Yes, but that is how the will reads—instead of writing “He shall inherit,” your father wrote “she shall inherit.” She is the “she.” About forty-five thou., isn’t it?
Walter: Nearer fifty.
Jack: An adventurer named Potterfield has lately come to the village, found out about the will, made love to the old lady, got a special license, and is bringing her to town to marry her to-morrow.
Walter: What?
Jack: Stella is coming here directly. This wedding must be stopped or postponed.
Walter: Jack, something’s got to be done—suppose I were taken ill—very ill.
Jack: No good at all.
Walter: Well, suppose that—no, that’s no use—suppose again that—no, that’s no good either. I have a dim kind of idea that in some way my invention is going to help us.
Jack: You said it had failed.
Walter: It failed living; it might be of use dead.
Narrator: STELLA ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Walter: Hullo, Stella how are you? Jack has told me all about this adventurer, Potterfield. I’ve an idea to checkmate my stepmother.
Narrator: GIVES HER SEAT.
Walter: I’m going to postpone their marriage not by being ill—I’m going to die. What do you think of that?
Jack: I think it’s the weakest thing I ever heard of.
Walter: In that cupboard there is a figure exactly like myself which was timed to spring into existence yesterday at 5 p.m.—only it didn’t. It’s the work my father never completed. Something went wrong. There the figure is and will remain, dead as a nut. I even dressed it in my best clothes, gave it a name, too, christened it Cyril Davidson.
Stella: Cyril Davidson?
Narrator: LAUGHS
Jack: What was the little idea of making it like yourself?
Walter: My father’s instructions were to make the man I was creating a handsome, good-looking fellow, according to the very best available model. All you’ve got to do is to produce the dead figure and say it’s me. I’ll go away to Brighton; they can’t in common decency marry before the funeral.
Jack: Then it seems you made an electric man. My chief doubt is it won’t be like enough.
Walter: Come and see!
Narrator: MUSIC. HE TAKES KEY FROM POCKET, UNLOCKS DOOR OF CUPBOARD, AND A MAN IN BLACK FROCK-COAT, WITH BLACK BOWLER, IS SEEN SEATED WITH BACK TO AUDIENCE.
Stella: Oh, how wonderful!
Narrator: LOOKING IN.
Jack: Wonderful!
Narrator: LOOKING IN.
Stella: Walter, that is you!
Narrator: BELL RINGS OFF IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Walter: Bell!—that may be my stepmother!
Narrator: HE QUICKLY CLOSES CUPBOARD.
Walter: We might go into the other room. I call it my drawing-room, because there is a piano and three gold-fish in a bowl.
Narrator: STELLA GOES INTO ROOM, RIGHT.
Walter: Jack, in case she comes I’d better be off. Can you lend me any cash?
Jack: How much do you want?
Narrator: PRODUCING LOOSE CASH.
Walter: Two or three pounds.
Narrator: LOOKS IN JACK’S HAND.
Walter: I’ll take four.
Narrator: DOES SO.
Walter: Stop, I’ll give you a duplicate key of the cupboard.
Narrator: GIVES KEY
Walter: The figure has got my black coat on, and I want it for Brighton. When you come back, it will be wearing this one.
Narrator: POINTING TO COAT HE IS WEARING
Jack: Right.
Walter: Explain that to Stella.
Jack: Right oh!
Narrator: JACK GOES INTO DRAWING-ROOM, RIGHT.
WALTER PICKS UP AND PUTS ON HIS BROWN BOWLER, GOES QUICKLY UP, UNLOCKS CUPBOARD, PUTS KEY BACK IN POCKET, THEN GOES IN AFTER SAYING:
Walter: Now, Mr. Davidson, my coat, if you please.
Narrator: HE OPENS DOOR WIDE, SHOWING FIGURE SEATED AS BEFORE, THEN GOES IN AND THE DOOR CLOSES. HE IS THEN HEARD CALLING LOUDLY IN CUPBOARD:
Walter: I say! let me go! Confound you—Jack—Jack—I say! the thing is moving!
Narrator: LOUD NOISE OF STRUGGLE.
Walter: Hold on, damn it! don’t hit me on the head! Do you want to STUN me? Jack!
Narrator: A LOUD CRY AND TWO THUMPS, THEN THE CUPBOARD DOOR SLOWLY OPENS, AUTOMATON PUTS HEAD OUT—THE ACTOR HAVING HAD TIME TO CHANGE INTO THE BLACK COAT BEFORE ENTERING AS THE AUTOMATON. IT CREEPS OUT, NOT OPENING THE DOOR MORE THAN NECESSARY—BUSINESS, TRIES TO RE-OPEN DOOR BY HITTING IT. IT WEARS THE BLACK BOWLER SET TO ONE SIDE OF HEAD. COMES DOWN C., STIFFLY, AND REMARKS, “YOW,” THEN GOES UP. MRS. ANDERSON ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL WITH DISHES AND SETS TABLE IN RECESS WITH BACK TO AUDIENCE. HE GOES TOWARDS MRS. ANDERSON. SHE STARTS ON SEEING HIS STRANGE MANNER. HE TURNS AND GOES ACROSS AND STRAIGHT OFF IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. SHE GOES AFTER HIM.
MRS. ANDERSON CALLING AFTER HIM.
Mrs. Anderson: Mr. Everest, sir!
Narrator: EXIT AUTOMATON IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. EXIT MRS. ANDERSON IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. JACK AND STELLA ENTER FROM RIGHT.
Jack: I left him changing his coat.
Narrator: STELLA LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW
Stella: There he is turning the corner; he has changed his coat.
Jack: Let’s have a proper look at this wonderful thing before the old lady comes.
Narrator: THEY FETCH OUT CHAIR WITH WALTER SEATED ON IT AND BRING IT DOWN STAGE, WHERE THEY WHEEL THE CHAIR RIGHT ROUND SO THAT THE STUNNED WALTER FACES AUDIENCE. HE IS HATLESS.
Stella: Hasn’t it slipped down in the chair since we saw it last?
Jack: I don’t think so.
Stella: Look at its eyes—Jack, they’re opening—it’s moving!
Jack: Great Heavens! it’s being born!
Narrator: WALTER HALF STUNNED AND WAKING
Walter: Where am I?
Stella: It speaks!
Jack: It’s living!
Walter: I want a drink!
Jack: Good lord! It drinks!
Narrator: STELLA SCREAMS AND FALLS ON SEAT. BELL AGAIN RINGS LOUDLY OFF RIGHT.
Jack: Hullo! there’s Mrs. Everest!
Narrator: HE TAKES WALTER, WHO HAS RISEN, BY THE ARM.
Jack: Come with me, sir.
Narrator: LEADS HIM TO BEDROOM, LEFT.
Jack: In there with you, quick!
Narrator: KICKS HIM IN QUICKLY, AND LOCKS DOOR. STELLA MEANTIME HAS HURRIED UP WITH THE CHAIR AND PUT IT IN CUPBOARD AND CLOSES DOOR.
Jack: Phew! this is the most extraordinary thing!
Narrator: HURRIES DOWN, SAYING...
Jack: Where are the telegraph forms?
Narrator: AS HE SNATCHES THEM FROM NAIL ON WALL, AND SITS TO WRITE, RIGHT. MRS. ANDERSON ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, OUT OF BREATH AND WITH A TELEGRAM; SHE IS IN PROCESS OF DRESSING, HER HAIR BEING IN DISORDER, AND SHE WEARS A DRESSING JACKET.
Mrs. Anderson: Telegrapheram, sir.
Narrator: JACK LOOKING AT TELEGRAM.
Jack: From Mrs. Everest—“Have missed train, don’t wait lunch—coming by next.” Thank goodness!
Narrator: TO MRS. ANDERSON.
Jack: I suppose you don’t know where I can find a detective?
Mrs. Anderson: Yes, sir, I does. Being my own nephew as lives in the attic.
Narrator: JACK WRITES SEVERAL TELEGRAMS, AS:
Jack: I want him at once——
Mrs. Anderson: Lawk a floury me!
Narrator: HURRIES OUT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Stella: What are you writing?
Narrator: TAKES UP ONE OF THE TELEGRAMS.
Stella: “Walter Everest, Ship Hotel, Brighton. Cyril Davidson is living. Come home.”
Narrator: WALTER KNOCKS LOUDLY AT BEDROOM DOOR.
Stella: Jack! listen!
Narrator: JACK STILL WRITING—KNOCKING REPEATED.
Jack: Coming—coming.
Narrator: KNOCKING CEASES—HE CONTINUES.
Jack: This goes to every hotel in Brighton.
Stella: He may not be at an hotel.
Jack: That’s why I’ve sent for a detective——
Narrator: JOBBINS ENTERS, HAT IN HAND AND UMBRELLA UNDER ARM; HE IS A STOUT MAN, RATHER SHABBILY DRESSED IN TWEED, WITH TWEED FROCK-COAT, AND HAS A SQUARE-TOPPED BOWLER.
Jobbins: My name is Jobbins, sir.
Narrator: GIVES LARGE CARD.
Jobbins: Private inquiry and detective agent, utmost secrecy and despatch, parties watched, missing relatives traced, divorces ensured.
Jack: This is a very simple matter, Mr. Jobbins. The gentleman who resides here left home suddenly. I want him fetched back at once.
Narrator: SITS AND WRITES NOTE AS:
Jobbins: Yes, sir...
Narrator: GOES UP, THEN RETURNS
Jobbins: Where is he?
Narrator: WITH NOTEBOOK OPEN TO TAKE NOTES.
Jack: Brighton.
Narrator: JOBBINS NOTES
Jobbins: Brighton—what hotel, sir?
Jack: Do you think if I knew what hotel I should require a detective?
Jobbins: Then how am I to find him?
Jack: The best thing will be to take the first train to Brighton.
Narrator: JOBBINS NOTES
Jobbins: First train to Brighton.
Jack: He may be at a boarding-house.
Narrator: JOBBINS NOTES
Jobbins: Possibly a boarding-house.
Jack: When you find him give him this note.
Narrator: CLOSING IT AND GIVING IT
Jack: and send me a wire.
Narrator: GIVES FIVE-POUND NOTE.
Jack: There is some cash for your expenses.
Stella: How is he to know Walter?
Jack: Isn’t there a photograph?
Narrator: FINDS ONE ON MANTEL, RIGHT.
Jack: Here we are.
Narrator: GIVES IT
Jobbins: I’ll walk about the Brighton streets with this—why, I seen this gent in the public gardens five minutes ago.
Jack: Then after him and bring him back.
Narrator: JOBBINS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL
Jobbins: You’ll hear from me—BY WIRE.
Narrator: EXIT.
JACK CALLS OUT AFTER HIM.
Jack: Follow him to Victoria; if you miss him, go right on.
Narrator: COMES DOWN
Jack: I’ve forgotten these telegrams.
Stella: I’ll take them.
Narrator: JACK GIVES THEM.
Jack: Have you any cash?
Stella: Yes.
Narrator: HURRIES OUT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
A VERY LOUD PEREMPTORY KNOCKING AT DOOR LEFT. JACK LISTENS A MOMENT. IT IS REPEATED.
Jack: Getting nasty!
Narrator: LOUD KNOCKING. WALTER, OFF, CALLS.
Walter: I say—let me out!
Jack: Now if I had not known, I should have said that was Walter. The voice was a trifle thick at starting, but now it's identical.
Narrator: WALTER, OFF
Walter: Let me out.
Narrator: LOUD KNOCKING
Jack: I suppose I’ll have to.
Narrator: HE GOES AND UNLOCKS DOOR AND RETURNS TO RIGHT FRONT. WALTER COMES OUT.
Walter: What is the meaning of all this?
Jack: That’s exactly what I want to know.
Walter: Locking a fellow in a bedroom.
Narrator: JACK ASIDE
Jack: Calls itself a fellow and knows it’s a bedroom!
Walter: I feel as stupid...
Narrator: HE IS STILL HALF-STUNNED
Walter: ...as an owl. Where is Stella?
Jack: Knows about Stella!
Walter: What are you muttering?
Jack: Knows I’m muttering!
Walter: Well?
Jack: Well.
Walter: Why the devil don’t you speak?
Jack: Knows there’s a devil! I really don’t quite know what to do with you till your creator returns.
Walter: What?—How?
Jack: What or how—same thing. This is a pretty pickle, Mr. Cyril Davidson.
Walter: Mr. What?
Jack: Of course you don’t know your name yet; that is what you were christened, Cyril Davidson, so I call you Cyril Davidson.
Walter: Oh, you do, do you? that’s very clever of you. My mind’s a blank, I can’t remember what happened before I woke up on that chair.
Jack: No one remembers what happened before they were born.
Narrator: WALTER BANGS A BOOK DOWN ON TABLE
Walter: Oh, damned nonsense!
Jack: I wonder what you think of the world now you’ve come into it; what are your general impressions of mankind?
Walter: Was this why you locked me in the bedroom?
Jack: Exactly.
Walter: And are you going to keep this up?
Jack: Decidedly.
Walter: I can’t see much sense in it myself; however, if it pleases you—I’m going to have some lunch.
Narrator: GOES UP TO TABLE IN RECESS. JACK CALLS UP.
Jack: Mr. Davidson!
Narrator: NO ANSWER.
Jack: I’ve made it angry.
Narrator: CALLS.
Jack: Mr. Davidson—I say, Davidson—Mr. Cyril Davidson—sir,—oh, it’s in a pet and declines to answer me.
Narrator: STELLA ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Stella: Jack, a boy brought this.
Narrator: GIVES NOTE. JACK TEARS IT OPEN.
Jack: Jobbins is something like a detective. “Just seen Mr. Everest, he is running. Jobbins.”
Stella: Running?
Jack: The electric individual is in there.
Stella: You let it out? What is it doing?
Jack: Lunching.
Narrator: WALTER AT TABLE IN ALCOVE, MIXING SALAD
Walter: Nothing here but salad!
Narrator: WITH BEER BOTTLE.
Walter: Beer, who wants beer?
Jack: Knows all about everything!
Stella: It’s been listening in the cupboard before it lived.
Narrator: PAUSE AND THEN ASKS
Stella: Should we speak to it?
Jack: It’s very bad-tempered, but I daresay it won’t hurt you.
Narrator: THEY GO UP
Jack: I say, Davidson!
Walter: Bah!
Narrator: THEY START BACK
Stella: Poor thing! tell it it’s amongst friends.
Narrator: THEY AGAIN APPROACH
Jack: This young lady is very anxious to make your acquaintance, Mr. Davidson!
Narrator: WALTER SMASHES CROCKERY WITH A BEER BOTTLE; THEY START AND COME DOWN IN FRIGHT, THEN APPROACH AGAIN.
Stella: Please, Mr. Davidson!
Narrator: WALTER TURNS
Walter: Oh, you’ve come back; has Jack told you what he’s playing at?
Narrator: HE COMES DOWN A LITTLE—THEY RETREAT FROM HIM.
Jack: Isn’t it wonderful! Calls me Jack!
Narrator: WALTER AS THEY ARE STARING AT HIM.
Walter: When you’ve done staring, perhaps you’ll drop this.
Stella: Jack, I can’t believe it!
Narrator: WALTER WALKS ABOUT IN RAGE.
Jack: At first I couldn’t, but there is a difference, I begin to see it, a very subtle difference; watch how it moves; aren’t its joints a little stiff and so on?
Narrator: WALTER QUICK STEP TO HIM
Walter: You thick-headed-addle-pated numskull!
Narrator: JACK IN FRIGHT FALLS HEADLONG BACKWARDS OVER SOFA, LEFT. STELLA RUNS AND CROUCHES, RIGHT, THEN THEY RISE ON KNEES AND WAVE TO PACIFY HIM.
Jack: Gently, gently!
Stella: Oh, please, Mr. Davidson, please don’t be so angry; we are both awfully interested in you and really sorry for you. It must be terrible to be born full grown.
Walter: Am I mad, or are you?
Jack: You are.
Walter: That’s settled.
Stella: Of course, you think you’re real, but we know. You’re only a made thing, like a cheese or a pudding.
Narrator: WALTER HAND TO HEAD
Walter: You honestly say and believe that I am my own invention?
Narrator: THEY NOD SOLEMNLY.
Walter: Am I myself, or am I the thing I made?
Jack: You are the thing you made.
Walter: Then where is myself—the other fellow?
Jack: Your esteemed creator left home before you began to exist, changed coats and went.
Walter: Changed coats? I never changed coats at all!
Jack: What?
Stella: What?
Walter: The moment I tried to, the figure rose up and stunned me.
Narrator: STELLA UP TO HIM, THROWS ARMS ROUND HIM.
Stella: It’s Walter!
Narrator: ENTER MRS. ANDERSON WITH TELEGRAM IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, AND GIVES IT. JACK OPENS IT. MRS. ANDERSON SEEING WALTER.
Mrs. Anderson: Ow! Ow! Lawk a floury me!
Narrator: EXIT
Jack: Jobbins is somewhere near Euston.
Narrator: GIVES TELEGRAM TO STELLA.
Walter: Who’s Jobbins?
Jack: The detective who’s gone after you to bring you back.
Walter: Then it really went out?
Narrator: STELLA READING TELEGRAM.
Stella: “Have taken a cab, he’s still running.” What will happen if Mr. Jobbins catches it?
Walter: I expect he will catch it.
Jack: Another telegram!
Narrator: GOING UP TO IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. MRS. ANDERSON HANDS IN A TELEGRAM AND RETIRES. COMING DOWN, READING:
Jack: “He has smashed some more windows, and is still running.”
Narrator: STELLA TAKING THE TELEGRAM.
Stella: More windows!
Jack: “The crowd are still after him.”
Walter: Crowd?
Jack: “He has just climbed a tall chimney stack marked Bovril, and is now sitting on the top.”
Walter: Good Lord!
Jack: “Marked Bovril,” is this to be your fate, alas, my poor brother!
Narrator: WALTER SNATCHES THE WIRE AND READS.
Walter: “They are fetching a fire escape. He keeps yowling.”
Narrator: STELLA TAKING TELEGRAM.
Stella: Yowling?
Walter: Suppose the police get him and think it’s me, I’ll be blamed for all this damned thing. We must catch him. We’ll buy a gag and handcuffs as we go along.
Stella: Gag? Why?
Walter: Because he’s yowling! Stop! Stella must stay in case Mrs. Everest comes.
Narrator: CALLS.
Walter: Mrs. Anderson, I want a cab!
Narrator: HE AND JACK RUSH OUT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Stella: I’m so excited I think I’ll play the piano in the other room.
Narrator: EXIT, RIGHT, TO DRAWING-ROOM AND IMMEDIATELY PLAYS AND SINGS “CARESSANTE.” AUTOMATON ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, IN BLACK FROCK-COAT, BUT NOW HATLESS, GOES TO CUPBOARD, PAWS AT THE DOOR, GOES AND KNOCKS OVER CHAIR, THEN TO TABLE UP, LEFT, AND TAKES UP A TUMBLER, BRINGS IT DOWN MECHANICALLY TO FRONT C., HALF RAISES IT, THEN LETS IT FALL ON THE FLOOR AND SITS BY TABLE, RIGHT, FACING AUDIENCE AND SAYS:
Automaton: Tick-tick-Yow.
Narrator: MRS. ANDERSON ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, WITH A BLACK FROCK-COAT IN TAILOR’S PARCEL, PLACES IT ON TABLE, RIGHT, TOP END, THEN SEES AUTOMATON AND COMES OUT C., TO SPEAK.
Mrs. Anderson: Oh, he’s there, are he?
Narrator: USING HANDKERCHIEF AS SHE SPEAKS.
Automaton: Yow.
Mrs. Anderson: There’s a parcel from the tailoring folks with a message hopering as it were in time.
Automaton: Yow-Yow.
Narrator: SHE STARTS A LITTLE.
Mrs. Anderson: The pore young lady is a-sittering in there.
Automaton: Tick-tick. Yow-yow!
Mrs. Anderson: Ain’t you in good ’ealth, Mr. Everest, sir?
Automaton: Yow-chuck, Yow-yow.
Narrator: RISES AND MAKES MECHANICAL EXIT TO BEDROOM, LEFT, MRS. ANDERSON WATCHING HIM.
Mrs. Anderson: Pore-young-man!
Narrator: ENTER STELLA, RIGHT.
Mrs. Anderson: Mr. Everest have come back, mum; gone in his bedroom, mum; been to the pub-house again, or I’m much mistook. Pore-young-man!
Narrator: EXIT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. STELLA CALLS ACROSS.
Stella: Walter, here’s a parcel—Walter!
Narrator: AUTOMATON ENTERS DOOR, LEFT, BUT DOES NOT COME OUT, SHE SEES HIM.
Stella: Walter, why have you left Jack? Is anything wrong?
Automaton: Yow!
Narrator: TURNS AND GOES IN AGAIN, DOOR, LEFT. STELLA CROSSING TO THE DOOR.
Stella: Walter!
Narrator: DOOR SHUTS
Stella: How very polite of you! Are you changing?
Narrator: VOICE OFF SAYS
Automaton: Yow!
Stella: Oh, very well, if you won’t answer me. I’m in the drawing-room all alone!
Narrator: HAS CROSSED BACK, RIGHT, AND GOES IN. AUTOMATON ENTERS, LEFT.
Automaton: Tick-chuck-yow.
Narrator: GOES UP, HITS DOOR OF CUPBOARD TWICE.
Automaton: Chuck-yow-yow.
Narrator: GOES TO RECESS, KNOCKS OVER A CHAIR, HITS CLOCK, ETC., AND GOES INTO CHINA CUPBOARD IN RECESS, LEFT. A LOUD NOISE OF SMASHING OF CROCKERY OFF. STELLA THROUGH THIS IS PLAYING AND SINGING SAME AIR AS BEFORE. WALTER COMES IN IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, AS SOON AS EVER HE CAN, WALKING QUITE QUIETLY AS CONTRAST TO THE VERY QUICK EXIT OF AUTOMATON. BROWN JACKET. WALTER COMES TO TABLE, RIGHT, CALLING.
Walter: Stella! I want you. Stella!
Narrator: STELLA STOPS SINGING A MOMENT TO CALL.
Stella: I’m not coming!
Narrator: RESUMES SONG OFF. WALTER TAKES UP PARCEL.
Walter: My new coat at last. The moment I get Davidson under lock and key I’m going to change into this and get away to Brighton.
Narrator: PUTS PARCEL DOWN. STELLA ENTERS, RIGHT.
Walter: Why wouldn’t you come a minute ago?
Stella: Why did you shut that door in my face?
Walter: When?
Stella: After you went out.
Walter: After I went out—before I came home? Did I speak?
Stella: No.
Walter: It’s as plain as a pikestaff, it’s come home
Narrator: STELLA SLOWLY AND FIRMLY.
Stella: I believe you’re right. Now I’ve seen you both I’ll never mistake again.
Walter: It must be somewhere on the premises now.
Narrator: THEY HURRIEDLY LOOK ABOUT UNDER FURNITURE, AND MEET AND COLLIDE UP C., AND SAY,
Walter: Oh!
Stella: Oh!
Walter: It’s in the bedroom. Run down to Mrs. Anderson and borrow the very largest blanket.
Stella: Why?
Walter: I want something to throw over it.
Narrator: STELLA EXIT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. WALTER LISTENS TO FRESH SOUNDS.
Walter: No! It’s in the china cupboard!
Narrator: A WOODEN HAND WITH FINGERS EXTENDED IS MYSTERIOUSLY THRUST OUT OF CHINA CUPBOARD DOOR. HE GETS A PLATE AND SMASHES IT ON THIS HAND, WHICH IS AT ONCE WITHDRAWN.
HE QUICKLY TURNS KEY.
Walter: Got it—got it!
Narrator: HE JUBILANTLY DANCES DOWN C., THEN GOES AND CALLS OUT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Walter: Stella, Stella, I’ve locked it in the china cupboard. I don’t want the blanket.
Narrator: RETURNS.
Walter: Gone in the kitchen, I suppose!
Narrator: TAKES UP PARCEL.
Walter: Change my coat at last and get away!
Narrator: GOES INTO BEDROOM, LEFT.
IMMEDIATELY ON HIS EXIT A LOUD SMASHING IN CHINA CUPBOARD, THEN THE DOOR FLIES INTO SPLINTERS AND IS KNOCKED DOWN, AND AUTOMATON ENTERS QUICKLY, HURRIES RIGHT ROUND C., AND INTO BEDROOM AFTER WALTER.
WALTER WITHIN, AS LOUD NOISE IN BEDROOM.
Walter: Hi! Stop!
Narrator: AUTOMATON WITHIN.
Automaton: Yow-yow!
Narrator: WALTER RUSHING IN, DRESSED IN BLACK COAT.
Walter: By Jove! what an escape!
Narrator: JACK, CARRYING BLANKET OF GREEN FLANNEL OR RED, ENTERS WITH STELLA, WHO HAS GAG AND HANDCUFFS—ENTER IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
WALTER MAKES SIGNS TO THEM, POINTING TO BEDROOM AND BECKONING THEM TO FOLLOW HIM THERE.
Jack: Is that it?
Stella: Yes, yes, Jack, yes!
Narrator: JACK THROWS BLANKET OVER WALTER, AND THEY GET HIM ON CHAIR, CENTER.
Jack: Hurrah! we’ve got him now!
Narrator: BUSINESS: SECURE HIM WITH ROPE ROUND HIS LEGS AND GAG, THEN TAKE BLANKET OFF. WALTER, GAGGED, GROANS.
Jack: No more climbing tall chimney stacks!
Narrator: WALTER GROANS.
Stella: Is it in pain?
Jack: Of course not.
Stella: It groans so!
Jack: Rather mad at being caught.
Stella: Is it wax-work?
Jack: More like indiarubber. I suppose you do see the difference this time?
Stella: Rather.
Jack: That’s not flesh and blood.
Narrator: PULLING ITS NOSE.
Stella: It seems to want to explain something.
Jack: It will never get the chance of that.
Narrator: LIGHTING A CANDLE FROM MANTEL, RIGHT.
Stella: Poor thing! are you tired of living?
Narrator: GROAN.
Jack: How can it answer you?
Stella: I believe it could if you took the gag out of its mouth.
Jack: Hold the candle under its nose.
Narrator: GROAN.
Stella: No, no, no!
Narrator: JACK PUTS CANDLE ON TABLE.
JACK, WITH PIN FROM WAISTCOAT.
Jack: I want to see what it will do when I stick this pin in it.
Narrator: GROAN
Stella: No, no!
Jack: In its leg, you can nip its arms and legs.
Narrator: DOES SO—GROAN
Stella: It doesn’t seem to like being nipped.
Jack: In the interests of science I’m going to bleed it.
Narrator: LOUD GROANS
Jack: Give me a carving knife.
Narrator: GROANS. MRS. ANDERSON HAS ENTERED AND COME DOWN—SEES WALTER, SCREAMS. THEY START.
Mrs. Anderson: The gent I does for came down the other stair from the bedroom...
Narrator: POINTING LEFT.
Mrs. Anderson: ...and is in the kitchen premises at this here identical period of time.
Jack: What! Is he?
Mrs. Anderson: Here have I been a-doing for two twins at the price of one.
Narrator: JACK BUSTLES MRS. ANDERSON INTO THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
Jack: Send Mr. Everest up at once!
Narrator: EXIT MRS. ANDERSON.
Jack: Now to make an end of this fiend!
Narrator: WALTER, WHO HAS BEEN WATCHING THEM AS WELL AS HE COULD, NOW PRETENDS TO BE DEAD.
Jack: Hullo! I don’t think I’ll want any instruments, it’s passing away!
Narrator: BUSINESS
Jack: Not breathing!
Narrator: LOOKS AT WATCH.
Jack: It’s eyes are closed. Oh! it’s run down. I believe we’d be quite safe to unbind it. Just help me with this rope. Let it pass away quietly on the sofa. There is something pathetic even in the death of a doll.
Narrator: THEY UNBIND WALTER AND RAISE HIM, HE OPENS HIS EYES AND BOUNDS UPON JACK—COMMOTION.
Jack: Confound it, it’s living again!
Narrator: STELLA RUNS IN ROOM, RIGHT. JACK RUNS IN ROOM, LEFT.
WALTER AS JACK LOOKS IN, LEFT. AND STELLA LOOKS IN, RIGHT.
Walter: I say!
Narrator: THEY AT ONCE WITHDRAW.
Walter: Jack! Stella!
Narrator: HEADS APPEAR AGAIN.
Walter: I say! Jack!
Narrator: HEADS DISAPPEAR.
Walter: Come out, you bounder!
Narrator: HEADS APPEAR.
Walter: Why are you making such idiots of yourselves?
Narrator: JACK COMING IN
Jack: Who are you?
Walter: Walter Everest.
Jack: The other fellow said that.
Walter: I am the other fellow.
Jack: Then I’ve let the automaton escape!
Walter: Escape?
Jack: It must be in the kitchen now!
Walter: I have a particularly heavy poker in my room, I’ll just fetch it.
Jack: And then?
Walter: We’ll see what then!
Narrator: HAS GONE INTO BEDROOM, LEFT.
Jack: This is a nice muddle! What asses we’ve been!
Stella: Yes, haven’t we?
Jack: By Jove! we have.
Narrator: AUTOMATON COMES IN IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, FOLLOWED BY MRS. ANDERSON WITH A TELEGRAM—THEY BOTH GO QUICKLY INTO DRAWING-ROOM, RIGHT.
MRS. ANDERSON CALLING AS SHE GOES.
Mrs. Anderson: Telegrapheram, Mr. Everest, sir!
Narrator: STELLA DOWN, LEFT, WITH JACK, POINTS UP TO THEM AS THEY GO OUT.
Stella: Jack! look!
Narrator: PIANO IS SMASHED OFF RIGHT.
Stella: Oh, what’s that?
Jack: That’s the piano!
Narrator: GLASS IS SMASHED OFF RIGHT.
Jack: That’s the three gold-fish in the bowl!
Narrator: WALTER WITH POKER ENTERS, LEFT.
MRS. ANDERSON OFF.
Mrs. Anderson: Oh, help!
Narrator: SHE RUSHES IN FROM RIGHT, IN A FAINTING CONDITION, AND GASPS.
Mrs. Anderson: Mr. Everest have fell out of the window into the street!
Walter: Mrs. Anderson, I am here.
Narrator: SHE GIVES A LOUD YELL OF FRIGHT IN HIS FACE AND RUSHES INTO BEDROOM, LEFT. STELLA HASTENS AFTER HER.
Walter: There’s going to be no mistake this time, I’m going after it myself.
Narrator: EXIT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL.
JOBBINS ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, HIS HAT BASHED, A BLACK EYE, AND ONE ARM IN A SLING. HE IS IN A MISERABLE CONDITION.
Jack: Great goodness! Jobbins!
Jobbins: What’s left of him, sir!
Narrator: AUTOMATON OFF AT BACK
Automaton: Yow-yow!
Narrator: JOBBINS ON HIS KNEES CLINGS TO JACK.
Jobbins: I calls on you to protect me!
Jack: We must search this house from top to toe. You chase up, I’ll chase down. And if we don’t find him, meet here.
Jobbins: I’ll do that.
Narrator: THEY GO UP
Jobbins: Meet here!
Narrator: EXEUNT.
STELLA LOOKS IN, LEFT.
Stella: Jack, she’s getting better—Jack! where are you?
Narrator: GOES IN AGAIN.
JOBBINS ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, COMES DOWN, SAYING:
Jobbins: Missed him!
Narrator: SITS, LEFT OF RIGHT TABLE
Jobbins: I’ll just make out my little bill.
Narrator: AS HE IS DOING THIS, AUTOMATON ENTERS IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, COMES DOWN AND HAS A SPASM WITH HIS HANDS, KNOCKING OFF JOBBINS’ HAT. JOBBINS WITH A LOUD YELL RUSHES OUT IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL. AUTOMATON KNOCKS FURNITURE ABOUT, ETC., AND GOES INTO CHINA CUPBOARD. STELLA COMES IN, LEFT, TO SEE HIS FINAL EXIT. SHE THEN GOES UP, LOOKS INTO CHINA CUPBOARD AFTER HIM—THEN COMES DOWNSTAGE, CALLING IN FRIGHT:
Stella: Help! Help! Help!
Narrator: JACK AND JOBBINS BRING WALTER ON BETWEEN THEM IN THE OPENING LEADING TO HALL, AND BRING HIM DOWN CENTER, AND MRS. ANDERSON ENTERS, LEFT.
Walter: Let me go, let me go, I say!
Stella: Jack, you’ve got the wrong man!
Narrator: THEY RELEASE HIM.
Mrs. Anderson: There’s a telegrapheram, sir; is it for you or your twin?
Narrator: JACK SNATCHES IT AND READS.
Jack: From Mrs. Everest—“Potterfield fell out of his dogcart and broke his leg. The wedding is postponed.”
Stella: Postponed!
Jack: Congratulate you, old chap!
Narrator: SHAKING HANDS
Jack: Your fortune’s safe.
Narrator: NOISE OFF AND LIGHTS DOWN AS:
Walter: Hush, hush! all of you. It’s coming out to die!
Narrator: STELLA HIDES ON FLOOR FRONT OF SOFA, LEFT. MRS. ANDERSON HIDES ON KNEES FRONT OF TABLE, RIGHT. JOBBINS STANDS BY CLOCK AGAINST WALL, UP LEFT. JACK SETS CUPBOARD DOOR OPEN WITH CHAIR AGAINST IT AND THEN GOES AND STANDS IN RECESS TO, RIGHT, SIDE OF SAME, AND WALTER GOES OFF TO HIDE BEHIND THE CURTAIN OF RECESS, LEFT, SIDE WHERE THERE IS A SECRET EXIT, SO THAT HE AT ONCE COMES ON AS AUTOMATON FROM THE CHINA CUPBOARD.
A MAN’S HAND HOLDS OUT THE CURTAIN BEHIND WHICH WALTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE HIDING. DYING SCENE FOR AUTOMATON. JERKY BUSINESS, FRIGHTENS JOBBINS WHO CROUCHES BACK FROM IT, THEN GOES C., STOOPS AND GROWS FAINT, HAS A SPASM OF STRENGTH AND HURRIES TO TABLE, RIGHT, FRIGHTENING MRS. ANDERSON, WHO GETS UNDER TABLE. IT THEN LEANS DYING AGAINST TABLE, THEN HAS A FRESH SPASM, HURRYING ACROSS TO STELLA, WHO LIES AWAY FROM IT ON FLOOR TO AVOID IT.
THEN UP TO CUPBOARD DOOR, WHICH JACK SET OPEN WITH A CHAIR. AUTOMATON DIES WITH BACK TO INSIDE OF DOOR, PUSHING THE CHAIR CLEAR OF IT IN HIS SPASM, BUSINESS, FINALLY SHUTTING HIMSELF IN AS HE COLLAPSES BY LETTING THE DOOR CLOSE AFTER HIM.
RED LIMES CHANGING TO GREEN THROUGH ABOVE, AND DARK FLOATS.
LIGHTS UP—ALL RISE.
STELLA CRIES.
Stella: Walter!
Narrator: WALTER COMES OUT FROM BEHIND CURTAIN, LEFT, AND DOWN TO STELLA, CENTER, TAKES HER IN HIS ARMS.
Walter: It’s Walter this time, and if you want proof, open the cupboard and you’ll find all that remains of THE ELECTRIC MAN.
CURTAIN.
Narrator: YOU HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO, THE ELECTRIC MAN, BY CHARLES HANNAN, PRESENTED BY TTS PLAYHOUSE. COPYRIGHT 2025, BY TTS PLAYHOUSE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR MORE CLASSIC PLAYS FEATURING THE LATEST IN FUNNY AND EXPRESSIVE SYNTHETIC VOICES, VISIT US AT TTS PLAYHOUSE AT TTS PLAYHOUSE DOT COM.
